There have been many newspaper and magazine articles about the latest marriage research released by Pew Research and The National Marriage Project. Both show that we are seeing a serious decline in marriage and a huge increase in the number of children born out of wedlock in lower and middle class America. While some may espouse "To each his own" when it comes to whether people choose to marry or have a child out of wedlock, these choices will seriously impact you, me and everybody else over time.
The consequences for children growing up in homes without their two married parents are enormous. Before you hit the comment button, hear me out. I am not against single parents. I AM for what is best for children and what we know based on decades of research is children who grow up in a home with their two married parents do better in every area of life.
If you are thinking not my problem, this doesn't impact you because you have an intact marriage, think again. Believing that what other people do behind closed doors doesn't impact anybody else is like living with your head in the sand. We are all impacted on a daily basis by the decisions people make for example, if your child is friends with someone whose parents divorce or your child decides she wants to date a boy who has grown up without a father figure what does this mean for your child? Chances are you are going to be answering questions about divorce and wondering if this young man has any idea how to treat your daughter since he may never have had a healthy male role model in his life.
There are many other examples I could give you about how this problem impacts you in every area of life including your bank account.
This is why the work of First Things First is critical. People of every walk of life need to understand that marriage and childbearing go hand in hand. If you are concerned about child well-being we need you to be part of the army of people who are willing to talk about the importance of healthy marriage and its connection to raising healthy children.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Reasons Why Marriage is Relevant
I read with interest the media headlines about the new Pew Study on marriage. "4 in 10 Say Marriage is Irrelevant," "We're Just Not that into Marriage," "I Don't, Twenty-Somethings in New York aren't the marrying kind," and "More Americans may Believe Marriage is Obsolete" are just a few of the headlines across the country.
So if you take that at surface value you might think that people really aren't into marriage, but if you dig into the research what you actually find is that Americans are very into marriage - so much so that we are the most marrying, divorcing and re-marrying country in the world.
While perception is reality for people, it doesn't mean their perception is necessarily accurate.
Studies indicate that marriage is declining for those on the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder, this doesn't mean that those of lower socio-economic means do not desire to marry. They do! (Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood before Marriage by Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas)
Interestingly, the Pew study shows that marriage is still the norm for those with a college education.
It might surprise you to know that more than 80 percent of high school seniors consider marriage an important part of their future plans.
Research consistently shows that almost 90 percent of Americans plan to marry at some point in their lives.
A major change noted by the Pew study indicates that people are more willing to consider other types of living arrangements a "family." However, research indicates that there are certain benefits that only marriage provides for people. While one might assume that these benefits would transfer to those who live together or other family forms, the research shows they do not (The Case for Marriage by Linda Waite, University of Chicago and Maggie Gallagher).
There is robust research that shows marriage has a positive impact on health, wellness, finances, community development, economic development, education, men, women and CHILDREN. Children who grow up in married parent households are less likely to suffer abuse, more likely to do well in school, less likely to experience depression or be involved in risky behaviors. These children are also less likely to grow up in poverty. Of families living in poverty only 6 percent are married parent homes with children under the age of 18 compared to single parent homes with children under the age of 18 at more than 40 percent.
So why might people delay marriage or believe it is obsolete? Perhaps it has something do to with relationship skills. People assume if they are in love they can make marriage work. OR, if they have never seen marriage work, they assume they can't make it work either. Hence the increase in living together.
People who assume that love will carry them through often experience a rude awakening when they find out they don't feel so loving towards their mate.
There are lots of couples rushing to the alter after only knowing each other for a few months - while there are exceptions to this rule - it is highly unlikely that you can really know a person in a short amount of time - thus these couples only a few months into their marriage begin wondering if they made a big mistake.
Additionally, people today are entering into marriage with unrealistic expectations such as, if you are my soulmate we should never disagree, and my spouse should be able to meet all my needs.
No great civilization has ever survived without marriage and family.
Marriage does matter to our country.
Perhaps people would think more highly of marriage if they were more successful at it. Maybe we ought to encourage couples to slow down and do those things we know can help them be successful in their marriage over the long haul like - taking at least a year to really get to know one another before they commit to each other and taking a premarital education class to learn the skills to help them have a healthy marriage.
So if you take that at surface value you might think that people really aren't into marriage, but if you dig into the research what you actually find is that Americans are very into marriage - so much so that we are the most marrying, divorcing and re-marrying country in the world.
While perception is reality for people, it doesn't mean their perception is necessarily accurate.
Studies indicate that marriage is declining for those on the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder, this doesn't mean that those of lower socio-economic means do not desire to marry. They do! (Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood before Marriage by Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas)
Interestingly, the Pew study shows that marriage is still the norm for those with a college education.
It might surprise you to know that more than 80 percent of high school seniors consider marriage an important part of their future plans.
Research consistently shows that almost 90 percent of Americans plan to marry at some point in their lives.
A major change noted by the Pew study indicates that people are more willing to consider other types of living arrangements a "family." However, research indicates that there are certain benefits that only marriage provides for people. While one might assume that these benefits would transfer to those who live together or other family forms, the research shows they do not (The Case for Marriage by Linda Waite, University of Chicago and Maggie Gallagher).
There is robust research that shows marriage has a positive impact on health, wellness, finances, community development, economic development, education, men, women and CHILDREN. Children who grow up in married parent households are less likely to suffer abuse, more likely to do well in school, less likely to experience depression or be involved in risky behaviors. These children are also less likely to grow up in poverty. Of families living in poverty only 6 percent are married parent homes with children under the age of 18 compared to single parent homes with children under the age of 18 at more than 40 percent.
So why might people delay marriage or believe it is obsolete? Perhaps it has something do to with relationship skills. People assume if they are in love they can make marriage work. OR, if they have never seen marriage work, they assume they can't make it work either. Hence the increase in living together.
People who assume that love will carry them through often experience a rude awakening when they find out they don't feel so loving towards their mate.
There are lots of couples rushing to the alter after only knowing each other for a few months - while there are exceptions to this rule - it is highly unlikely that you can really know a person in a short amount of time - thus these couples only a few months into their marriage begin wondering if they made a big mistake.
Additionally, people today are entering into marriage with unrealistic expectations such as, if you are my soulmate we should never disagree, and my spouse should be able to meet all my needs.
No great civilization has ever survived without marriage and family.
Marriage does matter to our country.
Perhaps people would think more highly of marriage if they were more successful at it. Maybe we ought to encourage couples to slow down and do those things we know can help them be successful in their marriage over the long haul like - taking at least a year to really get to know one another before they commit to each other and taking a premarital education class to learn the skills to help them have a healthy marriage.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Are you Askable?
Where did I come from? What is sex? How did that baby get in that lady's tummy? Why does her bottom look different than mine?
AWKWARD!
For many parents, these are show stopping questions that make their face turn red and cause them to be at a loss for words. Isn't it interesting that you the parent, the one who has been charged with raising a precious child can have no idea where to begin a discussion about this topic and yet the media and a bunch of people who don't even know your child feel very free to speak about sex and to give advice to your child?
Whether we like it or not, if we don't step up to the plate and talk to our kids about sex and what a healthy relationship looks like, somebody will and it might just be someone who doesn't have very good intentions.
October is national Let's Talk month. Parents are encouraged to either begin or continue conversations with their children about sex and healthy dating relationships. Research shows that in spite of eye rolling and statements like, "This is so embarrassing" young people do want to hear from their parents about these issues.
For tips on talking with your child about sex and healthy dating relationships visit our website.
AWKWARD!
For many parents, these are show stopping questions that make their face turn red and cause them to be at a loss for words. Isn't it interesting that you the parent, the one who has been charged with raising a precious child can have no idea where to begin a discussion about this topic and yet the media and a bunch of people who don't even know your child feel very free to speak about sex and to give advice to your child?
Whether we like it or not, if we don't step up to the plate and talk to our kids about sex and what a healthy relationship looks like, somebody will and it might just be someone who doesn't have very good intentions.
October is national Let's Talk month. Parents are encouraged to either begin or continue conversations with their children about sex and healthy dating relationships. Research shows that in spite of eye rolling and statements like, "This is so embarrassing" young people do want to hear from their parents about these issues.
For tips on talking with your child about sex and healthy dating relationships visit our website.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Chattanooga's Great Date Night
Chattanooga's Great Date Night is coming October 5th to the Chattanooga Convention Center from 6:45 pm to 9:00 p.m. Go to firstthings.org to get your FREE tickets! Great door prizes including cruises, weekend getaways, free Chik-fil-A, and more! You must be present to win!!!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
A Marriage Getaway
Jay and I recently had the opportunity to experience a marriage adventure with three other couples. The intent of the week was to rest, relax and rejuvenate our marriage.
We ate, swam, snorkeled, slept until we wanted to get up, went to bed when we were tired, ate, read, told stories, laughed a lot, played games, talked and there were times when you could catch us actually doing nothing! Did I mention that we ate? :-) There was lots of time to reconnect with your spouse. We spent time in prayer and had marriage devotions every evening.
Let me tell you what we didn't do. We didn't watch television at all for an entire week nor did we get on the computer and for the majority of the time our cell phones were in the off position and stowed away so we weren't tempted to check email or make phone calls. We really didn't talk about work or seek to solve the problems of the world.
We watched the sun set and sometimes we got to see a beautiful sunrise.... We were in awe of God's creation.
It really was great romantic adventure
I think we sometimes don't believe it is really all that important to get away and focus on our marriage, especially when children come along and life gets crazy. The reality is if we want to stay connected as a couple, time away is a necessity. It doesn't have to be an entire week, it could be a weekend and it doesn't have to cost a ton of money. My gut tells me if couples invested more time in making sure they stay connected we would see fewer marriages end up on the rocks.
Here's to more romantic getaways!
Let me tell you what we didn't do. We didn't watch television at all for an entire week nor did we get on the computer and for the majority of the time our cell phones were in the off position and stowed away so we weren't tempted to check email or make phone calls. We really didn't talk about work or seek to solve the problems of the world.
Here's to more romantic getaways!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Life is Tough Sometimes
This is our sweet Rozee sleeping on her pillows in the family room.
Ashley with Rozee at Christmas.
Today we had to put Rozee to sleep. :-( When Ashley was 4 she picked Rozee out to be her puppy. Back in the day Rozee could catch a Frisbee in mid air and fetch two tennis balls at one time returning to her master with both tennis balls in her mouth. That was quite a sight! One time she went to school with Ashley to show off her talent in front of all the kids. They LOVED her.
Rozee was infamous for going totally crazy when my husband came back through the door - even if he had only been gone for a few minutes. She would dance around in circles and jump up and down until he took her outside to play.
She tolerated many dress up sessions with Ashley and allowed her picture to be taken in some pretty funny outfits!
We always joked that if anybody tried to break in the house Rozee would lick them to death!
At age 13 Rozee had definitely slowed down, but she still liked her morning walk and never wanted to be left behind if she thought people were headed outside to play.
So, today was a very sad day for our family. However, we have a lot of great memories of her that will last a lifetime. She was a wonderful member of the family!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Freedom Costs
Sitting here this morning thinking about how blessed I am to live in a free country. We live in an amazing place. Yesterday during our worship service was devoted to honoring those who have served and those currently serving to protect our freedom. It was very emotional.
Last night we watched a fantastic Memorial Day concert on PBS. So many amazing stories of service and sacrifice. My heart hurt as I thought about all the families impacted by loss suffered due to war.
I pray I never take for granted the life I get to live thanks to our military.
Thank you to all the men and women who have served and are serving and thank you to the families who do their own tour of duty when a loved one is deployed.
Last night we watched a fantastic Memorial Day concert on PBS. So many amazing stories of service and sacrifice. My heart hurt as I thought about all the families impacted by loss suffered due to war.
I pray I never take for granted the life I get to live thanks to our military.
Thank you to all the men and women who have served and are serving and thank you to the families who do their own tour of duty when a loved one is deployed.
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