Extreme Makeover

Meet Missy Thompson from KMT Creative and Emily Willard with Vision Homes.  KMT has taken care of all of the media and PR for this build and Emily's husband Jason and his partner Craig Smith are the builders.  These are just two of the mighty army of volunteers who have been part of the Extreme Makeover.

This has been an incredible opportunity for our community.  Watching people come together - people who often are competitors - and work side by side to accomplish something in one short week that should take months has been overwhelming.

Everything for this build has been donated from the food to feed all of the volunteers to the materials and labor.  I think this brings out the best in people and shows us what we can truly accomplish when we work together.

My hat is off to the Extreme Makeover Home Edition producers, design team and crew.  You all truly are a class act.  I am grateful to live in such a wonderful place where people will come out and volunteer to make life better for someone else.

National Marriage Week

You may be wondering, why in the world is there a National Marriage Week.

Just like Go Red Day promotes awareness of women and heart disease or the NFL football players wearing pink to bring awareness to breast cancer, this week has been set aside to bring awareness to the importance of healthy marriage in our communities, states and nation.

Research consistently indicates that almost 90 percent of Americans plan to marry at some point in life.  But just like with the symptoms of heart disease or breast cancer, many don't know the signs and symptoms of unhealthy relationships nor do they have the tools necessary to build a healthy marriage.

There are many specific things we can do to prevent heart disease, the key is putting them into practice.

It is no different with marriage.  There are many things all of us can do to build a healthy marriage - but we have to move from all talk to action. 

What have you done for your marriage lately?

It is never too late to take a class and learn new skills.

Here are some ideas for Stoking the Fires of Passion in Your Marriage

Here's to a passionate Valentine's Day and a new emphasis on stoking the fire of your relationship all year round.

Its Really all about our Children

There have been many newspaper and magazine articles about the latest marriage research released by Pew Research and The National Marriage Project.  Both show that we are seeing a serious decline in marriage and a huge increase in the number of children born out of wedlock in lower and middle class America.  While some may espouse "To each his own" when it comes to whether people choose to marry or have a child out of wedlock, these choices will seriously impact you, me and everybody else over time.
 
The consequences for children growing up in homes without their two married parents are enormous.  Before you hit the comment button, hear me out.  I am not against single parents.  I AM for what is best for children and what we know based on decades of research is children who grow up in a home with their two married parents do better in every area of life.

If you are thinking not my problem,  this doesn't impact you because you have an intact marriage, think again.  Believing that what other people do behind closed doors doesn't impact anybody else is like living with your head in the sand.  We are all impacted on a daily basis by the decisions people make for example, if your child is friends with someone whose parents divorce or your child decides she wants to date a boy who has grown up without a father figure what does this mean for your child?  Chances are you are going to be answering questions about divorce and wondering if this young man has any idea how to treat your daughter since he may never have had a healthy male role model in his life.

There are many other examples I could give you about how this problem impacts you in every area of life including your bank account.

This is why the work of First Things First is critical.  People of every walk of life need to understand that marriage and childbearing go hand in hand.  If you are concerned about child well-being we need you to be part of the army of people who are willing to talk about the importance of healthy marriage and its connection to raising healthy children. 

Reasons Why Marriage is Relevant

I read with interest the media headlines about the new Pew Study on marriage.  "4 in 10 Say Marriage is Irrelevant," "We're Just Not that into Marriage," "I Don't, Twenty-Somethings in New York aren't the marrying kind," and  "More Americans may Believe Marriage is Obsolete" are just a few of the headlines across the country.

So if you take that at surface value you might think that people really aren't into marriage, but if you dig into the research what you actually find is that Americans are very into marriage - so much so that we are the most marrying, divorcing and re-marrying country in the world.

While perception is reality for people, it doesn't mean their perception is necessarily accurate.

Studies indicate that marriage is declining for those on the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder, this doesn't mean that those of lower socio-economic means do not desire to marry.  They do!  (Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood before Marriage by Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas)

Interestingly, the Pew study shows that marriage is still the norm for those with a college education. 


It might surprise you to know that more than 80 percent of high school seniors consider marriage an important part of their future plans.

Research consistently shows that almost 90 percent of Americans plan to marry at some point in their lives. 

A major change noted by the Pew study indicates that people are more willing to consider other types of living arrangements a "family."  However, research indicates that there are certain benefits that only marriage provides for people.  While one might assume that these benefits would transfer to those who live together or other family forms, the research shows they do not (The Case for Marriage by Linda Waite, University of Chicago and Maggie Gallagher).

There is robust research that shows marriage has a positive impact on health, wellness, finances, community development, economic development, education, men, women and CHILDREN.  Children who grow up in married parent households are less likely to suffer abuse, more likely to do well in school, less likely to experience depression or be involved in risky behaviors.  These children are also less likely to grow up in poverty.  Of families living in poverty only 6 percent are married parent homes with children under the age of 18 compared to single parent homes with children under the age of 18 at more than 40 percent.
 
So why might people delay marriage or believe it is obsolete?  Perhaps it has something do to with relationship skills.   People assume if they are in love they can make marriage work.  OR, if they have never seen marriage work, they assume they can't make it work either.  Hence the increase in living together.

People who assume that love will carry them through often experience a rude awakening when they find out they don't feel so loving towards their mate.

There are lots of couples rushing to the alter after only knowing each other for a few months - while there are exceptions to this rule - it is highly unlikely that you can really know a person in a short amount of time - thus these couples only a few months into their marriage begin wondering if they made a big mistake.

Additionally, people today are entering into marriage with unrealistic expectations such as, if you are my soulmate we should never disagree, and  my spouse should be able to meet all my needs.


No great civilization has ever survived without marriage and family. 


Marriage does matter to our country. 

Perhaps people would think more highly of marriage if they were more successful at it.  Maybe we ought to encourage couples to slow down and do those things we know can help them be successful in their marriage over the long haul like - taking at least a year to really get to know one another before they commit to each other and taking a premarital education class to learn the skills to help them have a healthy marriage. 


 

Are you Askable?

Where did I come from?  What is sex?  How did that baby get in that lady's tummy?  Why does her bottom look different than mine?

AWKWARD!

For many parents, these are show stopping questions that make their face turn red and cause them to be at a loss for words.  Isn't it interesting that you the parent, the one who has been charged with raising a precious child can have no idea where to begin a discussion about this topic and yet the media and a bunch of people who don't even know your child feel very free to speak about sex and to give advice to your child?

Whether we like it or not, if we don't step up to the plate and talk to our kids about sex and what a healthy relationship looks like, somebody will and it might just be someone who doesn't have very good intentions.

October is national Let's Talk month.  Parents are encouraged to either begin or continue conversations with their children about sex and healthy dating relationships.  Research shows that in spite of eye rolling and statements like, "This is so embarrassing" young people do want to hear from their parents about these issues.

For tips on talking with your child about sex and healthy dating relationships visit our website.  

Chattanooga's Great Date Night

Chattanooga's Great Date Night is coming October 5th to the Chattanooga Convention Center from 6:45 pm to 9:00 p.m. Go to firstthings.org to get your FREE tickets! Great door prizes including cruises, weekend getaways, free Chik-fil-A, and more! You must be present to win!!!

A Marriage Getaway

Jay and I recently had the opportunity to experience a marriage adventure with three other couples.  The intent of the week was to rest, relax and rejuvenate our marriage.

 We ate, swam, snorkeled, slept until we wanted to get up, went to bed when we were tired, ate, read, told stories, laughed a lot, played games, talked and there were times when you could catch us actually doing nothing! Did I mention that we ate?  :-) There was lots of time to reconnect with your spouse.  We spent time in prayer and had marriage devotions every evening.

Let me tell you what we didn't do.  We didn't watch television at all for an entire week nor did we get on the computer and for the majority of the time our cell phones were in the off position and stowed away so we weren't tempted to check email or make phone calls.  We really didn't talk about work or seek to solve the problems of the world.

We watched the sun set and sometimes we got to see a beautiful sunrise....  We were in awe of God's creation.

 It really was  great romantic adventure

 I think we sometimes don't believe it is really all that important to get away and focus on our marriage, especially when children come along and life gets crazy.  The reality is if we want to stay connected as a couple, time away is a necessity.  It doesn't have to be an entire week, it could be a weekend and it doesn't have to cost a ton of money. My gut tells me if couples invested more time in making sure they stay connected we would see fewer marriages end up on the rocks.

Here's to more romantic getaways!