Monday, September 28, 2009

Love and Respect in Relationships

Well, I don't think folks liked my previous blog post very much.

That question was actually posed to a random sample of 400 men. Eighty-two percent of those surveyed said they would rather be alone and unloved in the world than disrespected. I thought that was really interesting.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect and Cracking the Communication Code has spent a lot of time looking at the issue of love and respect in men and women.

Bottomline - women want to be loved and men want to be treated with respect. You may be saying....and..... your point? Well, because men and women see things so differently, when conflict enters into a relationship things can get really tricky.

Generally speaking, when a woman feels unloved she responds with disrespect and when a guy feels disrespected he usually acts in ways that are unloving. The conversation goes something like... (Guy)"I'll love you when you treat me with respect." (Girl) "I'll treat you with respect when you love me."

Based on lots of experience with couples across the country, Eggerichs knows that this back and forth between spouses often leads to what he refers to as "the crazy cycle."

For example: A woman tells her husband she feels fat and needs to go on a diet. He happens to be at a bookstore picking up a newspaper when he sees a best-selling diet book. He buys it thinking he is helping his wife to accomplish her goal to lose weight. When he gives the book to her, she goes ballistic accusing him of being insensitive and they jump on the crazy cycle.

Truth be told, if her best girlfriend had purchased that book for her and suggested that they work the plan together, the response would have been completely different.

Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah are coming to Chattanooga on October 9 and 10th to present the Love and Respect conference.

They will talk about why two good-willed people negatively react to each other; how two people can positively motivate each other by doing one simple thing and the rewards of a Godly marriage and what a person can do if personal expectations are unmet by a spouse.

For more information about the conference click here.

I am curious to know what you think about the whole love and respect concept.

1 comment:

Laney Landry said...

I actually think that if people could get that love and respect are not interchangeable life together could be simplified. I get that men and women see and react differently, but we need to understand that it's not what others are doing as much as how we are reacting. Sensitivity is a two way street. I think if a couple is educated on how the other sex perceives certain actions and words, they have more of a chance for success, but only in making the effort to apply the knowledge.