The other day I ran across this website, happy wives club. I am definitely a happy wife. In this day and age when we mostly hear about how unhappy people are it was refreshing to run across this site.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that my husband and I never have disagreements or tough times. I'm just saying overarchingly I am a happy wife. I think part of it is my mindset, but I give a lot of credit to my husband who is very intentional about taking good care of our relationship. That is a real blessing.
Are you a happy wife?
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Monday, April 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
If you're not loving your spouse, who is????
So, on a scale of 1-10 (1 being in the pits and 10 being off the charts great) how well are you loving your spouse? I think I would give myself an 8.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Raising Children
Yesterday someone shared with me about an elementary age little girl who showed up late to school and she was crying. She wasn't crying because she was late to class. She was crying because she was hungry and she had missed breakfast at school because her bus was late. When her teacher inquired about who helped her get ready in the morning she said no one because her mother never gets out of bed before she leaves for school.
Did you know that a child born and raised outside of marriage will spend an average of 51 percent of his/her childhood living in poverty?
In contrast, a child born and raised by both parents in an intact marriage on average will spend only 7 percent of his/her childhood living in poverty. A child raised by a never married mother is more than 7 times more likely to be poor than a child raised in an intact marriage. (National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 - 2000)
Children who grow up without a father are more likely to drop out of school, become addicted to drugs, have a child out-of-wedlock or end up in prison.
There are many children, black, white and Hispanic, who are essentially raising themselves. When I think about my teenage daughter trying to raise herself - even though she thinks she could totally do it - I know the truth is she isn't ready.
My heart is heavy for our children. Sometimes tackling this issue feels overwhelming, but the reality is First Things First exists to do exactly that.
If we aren't loving and raising our children - who is????
Did you know that a child born and raised outside of marriage will spend an average of 51 percent of his/her childhood living in poverty?
In contrast, a child born and raised by both parents in an intact marriage on average will spend only 7 percent of his/her childhood living in poverty. A child raised by a never married mother is more than 7 times more likely to be poor than a child raised in an intact marriage. (National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 - 2000)
Children who grow up without a father are more likely to drop out of school, become addicted to drugs, have a child out-of-wedlock or end up in prison.
There are many children, black, white and Hispanic, who are essentially raising themselves. When I think about my teenage daughter trying to raise herself - even though she thinks she could totally do it - I know the truth is she isn't ready.
My heart is heavy for our children. Sometimes tackling this issue feels overwhelming, but the reality is First Things First exists to do exactly that.
If we aren't loving and raising our children - who is????
Friday, December 4, 2009
Tiger Woods and Marriage
I have been following with some interest the Tiger Woods saga. Interesting that there is probably just as much finger pointing at him as there is defending of him.
This whole thing has made me very thoughtful. The reality is all of us are very vulnerable to stumbling. If you think you have the world by the tail when it comes to your marriage or life in general - WATCH OUT! This world is filled with temptations. Just one choice in a weak moment could change your life forever.
This is why I think it is critically important for individuals and couples to surround themselves with people who will hold you accountable and help you make wise decisions. When you are an island unto yourself it is easy to convince yourself that "you'll just do it this one time" or that "nobody will ever find out." TRUTH always comes out sooner or later. And it usually doesn't just impact one person, there is often a very painful ripple affect that impacts many innocent people.
I heard an interview with attorney Laurie Puhn about this situation. I thought she said something worth repeating..."a man is as faithful as his character is strong." I think this is true for all of us.
I saw the beautiful picture of Tiger and his family. On the surface they look like they have it all. Underneath the surface I know these people are imperfect human beings who struggle just like the rest of us.
I am sad that Tiger did what he did. I am hopeful that with help the Woods can come out of this with a stronger marriage.
Do you know someone who is struggling in their marriage because of an affair? With help marriages can not only survive an affair, they can emerge stronger and better. There are intensives across this country offering help to wounded marriages. For more information about surviving an affair or the intensives click the highlighted words. You can also visit the Beyond Affairs Network website.
This whole thing has made me very thoughtful. The reality is all of us are very vulnerable to stumbling. If you think you have the world by the tail when it comes to your marriage or life in general - WATCH OUT! This world is filled with temptations. Just one choice in a weak moment could change your life forever.
This is why I think it is critically important for individuals and couples to surround themselves with people who will hold you accountable and help you make wise decisions. When you are an island unto yourself it is easy to convince yourself that "you'll just do it this one time" or that "nobody will ever find out." TRUTH always comes out sooner or later. And it usually doesn't just impact one person, there is often a very painful ripple affect that impacts many innocent people.
I heard an interview with attorney Laurie Puhn about this situation. I thought she said something worth repeating..."a man is as faithful as his character is strong." I think this is true for all of us.
I saw the beautiful picture of Tiger and his family. On the surface they look like they have it all. Underneath the surface I know these people are imperfect human beings who struggle just like the rest of us.
I am sad that Tiger did what he did. I am hopeful that with help the Woods can come out of this with a stronger marriage.
Do you know someone who is struggling in their marriage because of an affair? With help marriages can not only survive an affair, they can emerge stronger and better. There are intensives across this country offering help to wounded marriages. For more information about surviving an affair or the intensives click the highlighted words. You can also visit the Beyond Affairs Network website.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Creative Anniversary Celebrations
What's the most creative way you have ever celebrated your anniversary?
Lets keep this PG please! :)
Lets keep this PG please! :)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Celebrating Our 20th!
Tomorrow my husband and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Both of us consider it a huge deal since we both come from homes of divorce.
To celebrate, I surprised him this past weekend with a getaway to a friend's cabin. It was GREAT!!!! Saturday morning we actually slept in 'til 9:30 - something we haven't done in the 20 years we've been married. We spent the day not doing much of anything, but we did talk a lot about the people who have helped us get to where we are today in our marriage.
We have been very fortunate to be surrounded by a group of family and friends who have walked this road with us through job transitions, the birth of our child, brain surgery, family illness and exciting accomplishments. Some of these people have been with us from the day we walked down the aisle. Others have come along more recently, but ALL of them have held us accountable, encouraged us, laughed and cried with us, prayed with us and helped us to navigate this road.
There is no question that even the best of marriages can be challenging. My husband and I both agreed that trying to do marriage by yourself can be treacherous. While we have made some mistakes, we think we have been spared from making huge blunders by watching the examples of those who have been married significantly longer than us.
Who is walking along side your marriage?
To celebrate, I surprised him this past weekend with a getaway to a friend's cabin. It was GREAT!!!! Saturday morning we actually slept in 'til 9:30 - something we haven't done in the 20 years we've been married. We spent the day not doing much of anything, but we did talk a lot about the people who have helped us get to where we are today in our marriage.
We have been very fortunate to be surrounded by a group of family and friends who have walked this road with us through job transitions, the birth of our child, brain surgery, family illness and exciting accomplishments. Some of these people have been with us from the day we walked down the aisle. Others have come along more recently, but ALL of them have held us accountable, encouraged us, laughed and cried with us, prayed with us and helped us to navigate this road.
There is no question that even the best of marriages can be challenging. My husband and I both agreed that trying to do marriage by yourself can be treacherous. While we have made some mistakes, we think we have been spared from making huge blunders by watching the examples of those who have been married significantly longer than us.
Who is walking along side your marriage?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Love and Respect in Relationships
Well, I don't think folks liked my previous blog post very much.
That question was actually posed to a random sample of 400 men. Eighty-two percent of those surveyed said they would rather be alone and unloved in the world than disrespected. I thought that was really interesting.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect and Cracking the Communication Code has spent a lot of time looking at the issue of love and respect in men and women.
Bottomline - women want to be loved and men want to be treated with respect. You may be saying....and..... your point? Well, because men and women see things so differently, when conflict enters into a relationship things can get really tricky.
Generally speaking, when a woman feels unloved she responds with disrespect and when a guy feels disrespected he usually acts in ways that are unloving. The conversation goes something like... (Guy)"I'll love you when you treat me with respect." (Girl) "I'll treat you with respect when you love me."
Based on lots of experience with couples across the country, Eggerichs knows that this back and forth between spouses often leads to what he refers to as "the crazy cycle."
For example: A woman tells her husband she feels fat and needs to go on a diet. He happens to be at a bookstore picking up a newspaper when he sees a best-selling diet book. He buys it thinking he is helping his wife to accomplish her goal to lose weight. When he gives the book to her, she goes ballistic accusing him of being insensitive and they jump on the crazy cycle.
Truth be told, if her best girlfriend had purchased that book for her and suggested that they work the plan together, the response would have been completely different.
Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah are coming to Chattanooga on October 9 and 10th to present the Love and Respect conference.
They will talk about why two good-willed people negatively react to each other; how two people can positively motivate each other by doing one simple thing and the rewards of a Godly marriage and what a person can do if personal expectations are unmet by a spouse.
For more information about the conference click here.
I am curious to know what you think about the whole love and respect concept.
That question was actually posed to a random sample of 400 men. Eighty-two percent of those surveyed said they would rather be alone and unloved in the world than disrespected. I thought that was really interesting.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect and Cracking the Communication Code has spent a lot of time looking at the issue of love and respect in men and women.
Bottomline - women want to be loved and men want to be treated with respect. You may be saying....and..... your point? Well, because men and women see things so differently, when conflict enters into a relationship things can get really tricky.
Generally speaking, when a woman feels unloved she responds with disrespect and when a guy feels disrespected he usually acts in ways that are unloving. The conversation goes something like... (Guy)"I'll love you when you treat me with respect." (Girl) "I'll treat you with respect when you love me."
Based on lots of experience with couples across the country, Eggerichs knows that this back and forth between spouses often leads to what he refers to as "the crazy cycle."
For example: A woman tells her husband she feels fat and needs to go on a diet. He happens to be at a bookstore picking up a newspaper when he sees a best-selling diet book. He buys it thinking he is helping his wife to accomplish her goal to lose weight. When he gives the book to her, she goes ballistic accusing him of being insensitive and they jump on the crazy cycle.
Truth be told, if her best girlfriend had purchased that book for her and suggested that they work the plan together, the response would have been completely different.
Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah are coming to Chattanooga on October 9 and 10th to present the Love and Respect conference.
They will talk about why two good-willed people negatively react to each other; how two people can positively motivate each other by doing one simple thing and the rewards of a Godly marriage and what a person can do if personal expectations are unmet by a spouse.
For more information about the conference click here.
I am curious to know what you think about the whole love and respect concept.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Love or Respect?
Would you rather be left alone and unloved in the world or viewed as inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
Friday, September 25, 2009
Truth about Marriage and Family
Last night First Things First had its largest fundraiser of the year. It was amazing. Michael O'Brien played for a sold out crowd! He was AWESOME. You can hear him at www.michaelo.com.
We showed this video and people LOVED it! Soooo, I thought I would share it with you. Out of the mouths of babes comes real truth about marriage.
A Fresh Look at Marriage
We showed this video and people LOVED it! Soooo, I thought I would share it with you. Out of the mouths of babes comes real truth about marriage.
A Fresh Look at Marriage
Monday, August 31, 2009
Living Together - The good and the bad
WOW! Clearly this is a hot topic with lots of emotion attached to it.
A few weeks ago I attended an international conference on marriage and family. One of the plenary sessions featured a conservative, religious, older guy, Dr. Scott Stanley, and a young, feminist, liberal woman, Dr. Galena Rhoades, discussing the latest research on living together. While some of their findings probably won't surprise you, there were several things that were thought-provoking.
Just in case you are wondering: Four to five percent of US households are cohabiting and sixty to seventy percent of couples live together before marriage.
When couples were asked why they chose to live together before getting married, the most popular answer was so they could spend more time together. I thought it was very interesting that most of the couples said they believed in the institution of marriage. BUT many of them are really questioning whether or not they can actually make marriage work over the long haul.
One of the most eye-opening findings was the fact that most people who live together don't realize that once you start living together it makes it much more difficult to break up. Things like signing a lease together, getting a dog, and/or having a child together are all things that anchor the relationship and make breaking up much more complicated. It is harder to walk away even though you may be over the relationship and ready to move on. So, some people marry the person they are living with knowing this really isn't the person I would choose to marry.
The other thing that struck me was the differences in how men and women view cohabitation. When researchers asked couples to talk about how they decided to live together, one couple responded like this - she said, "He was moving to my city and we were already engaged so it made financial sense for us to move in together." He said, "To give the relationship a chance to become very serious. To see if we can live together." Hummmmm. Seems like if you are engaged your relationship is already serious. Clearly they were not on the same page.
Studies indicate that men actually value marriage more than women, but when asked about living with someone prior to marriage, men are more likely to say they feel trapped or that they are living with this woman while they are still waiting for their soulmate to come along.
Bottomline, whether you are religious or not, living together before marriage doesn't appear to have great outcomes. While there are definitely exceptions to this rule, overarchingly living with someone before you marry them does not seem to build a strong foundation for a great marriage. The only exception is if you are engaged and have a date set for your wedding. Even then, research shows that it isn't the best way to get your marriage off to a great start.
Many people think that it is only conservative, religious, narrow minded people who think cohabiting is a bad idea. Actually, if you look at the credible research on cohabitation from the University of Denver, Bowling Green State University and The University of Texas to name a few, you would be hard pressed to make that case.
Dr. Stanley wrapped up the plenary session by asking this question: Is cohabitation a pathway that will get you what you are hoping for - love that lasts with one person?
A few weeks ago I attended an international conference on marriage and family. One of the plenary sessions featured a conservative, religious, older guy, Dr. Scott Stanley, and a young, feminist, liberal woman, Dr. Galena Rhoades, discussing the latest research on living together. While some of their findings probably won't surprise you, there were several things that were thought-provoking.
Just in case you are wondering: Four to five percent of US households are cohabiting and sixty to seventy percent of couples live together before marriage.
When couples were asked why they chose to live together before getting married, the most popular answer was so they could spend more time together. I thought it was very interesting that most of the couples said they believed in the institution of marriage. BUT many of them are really questioning whether or not they can actually make marriage work over the long haul.
One of the most eye-opening findings was the fact that most people who live together don't realize that once you start living together it makes it much more difficult to break up. Things like signing a lease together, getting a dog, and/or having a child together are all things that anchor the relationship and make breaking up much more complicated. It is harder to walk away even though you may be over the relationship and ready to move on. So, some people marry the person they are living with knowing this really isn't the person I would choose to marry.
The other thing that struck me was the differences in how men and women view cohabitation. When researchers asked couples to talk about how they decided to live together, one couple responded like this - she said, "He was moving to my city and we were already engaged so it made financial sense for us to move in together." He said, "To give the relationship a chance to become very serious. To see if we can live together." Hummmmm. Seems like if you are engaged your relationship is already serious. Clearly they were not on the same page.
Studies indicate that men actually value marriage more than women, but when asked about living with someone prior to marriage, men are more likely to say they feel trapped or that they are living with this woman while they are still waiting for their soulmate to come along.
Bottomline, whether you are religious or not, living together before marriage doesn't appear to have great outcomes. While there are definitely exceptions to this rule, overarchingly living with someone before you marry them does not seem to build a strong foundation for a great marriage. The only exception is if you are engaged and have a date set for your wedding. Even then, research shows that it isn't the best way to get your marriage off to a great start.
Many people think that it is only conservative, religious, narrow minded people who think cohabiting is a bad idea. Actually, if you look at the credible research on cohabitation from the University of Denver, Bowling Green State University and The University of Texas to name a few, you would be hard pressed to make that case.
Dr. Stanley wrapped up the plenary session by asking this question: Is cohabitation a pathway that will get you what you are hoping for - love that lasts with one person?
Friday, August 14, 2009
What Does Success Look Like?
Not long ago I heard a fantastic talk given by a guy named Andy Andrews. I had never heard of him before, but he said he had written a book called The Traveler's Gift so I decided to read it.
WOW!!!!!! Once I started reading, I could not put the book down, which was scary because I was traveling on a plane to give a presentation and really needed to be focused on my talk.
When I finished, my head was swimming with all kinds of thoughts about my life and the impact I am having on others.
Do yourself a favor and take the time to read this book. I think it has the potential to be transformational.
In the book, Mr. Andrews takes David Ponder back in time to meet with historical characters to consider seven decisions that determine personal success. Responsibility, seeking wisdom, serving others, being a person of action and having a decided heart are just a few of the things Ponder is given to think about.
Whether you are single, married, a parent, boss, employee, friend, etc. this book addresses things we all should be thinking about.
Check out Andy Andrews' website
WOW!!!!!! Once I started reading, I could not put the book down, which was scary because I was traveling on a plane to give a presentation and really needed to be focused on my talk.
When I finished, my head was swimming with all kinds of thoughts about my life and the impact I am having on others.
Do yourself a favor and take the time to read this book. I think it has the potential to be transformational.
In the book, Mr. Andrews takes David Ponder back in time to meet with historical characters to consider seven decisions that determine personal success. Responsibility, seeking wisdom, serving others, being a person of action and having a decided heart are just a few of the things Ponder is given to think about.
Whether you are single, married, a parent, boss, employee, friend, etc. this book addresses things we all should be thinking about.
Check out Andy Andrews' website
Friday, May 1, 2009
Living Life Whole-heartedly
I recently asked you if you were living life whole-heartedly or half-heartedly.
Dr. Shawn Stoever and Greg Smalley wrote a book that is scheduled for release in June about fully engaging your heart in your marriage (The Whole-Hearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship).
They wrote the book because they both found themselves encountering people who were just going through the motions of life without ever engaging their heart.
Shawn was sharing with me that he doesn't think people necessarily make a conscious decision to disengage their heart. It can be the result of many different life circumstances. For example, when he was 9-years-old, his mother died. Shawn's dad was a wonderful father, but he did not know how to talk with his son about his feelings and emotions surrounding the death of his mother. Shawn's response was to stuff everything and kick into survival mode.
It wasn't until he met the woman of his dreams, Christina, who told him if they were going to take the relationship any further she wanted his heart, not just his intellect, that he began to think long and hard about whether he was going to engage his heart and risk being hurt again. While he knew he loved her, this was a huge step - which by the way he did end up taking.
There are a lot of things that can cause people to live life without engaging their heart. The trick is figuring out how to get your heart to open back up in a world that is designed to shut it down.
If you are living life half-heartedly or with no heart at all, here are some suggestions for re-engaging your heart:
Recognize that your heart is important, not just to keep the blood flowing, but to experience joy, laughter, hurt, enthusiasm and other emotions.
Identify those things that rob you of the opportunity to engage your heart, like the death of a parent, lies from the past, fear, friends who have said hurtful things, or compromises you have made. There are literally thousands of reasons people close down emotionally to protect themselves.
Make a conscious effort to re-engage your heart. When your heart is open you can freely give and receive love which leads to the blessing of experiencing life whole-heartedly. If you have no idea how to begin to reconnect with your heart, consider these ideas:
Watch children play or even play with them. Kids naturally live life with their hearts fully engaged.
Regardless of the path you choose to re-engage your heart, the benefits will be obvious. Relationships, particularly marriage, will have more meaning, feelings will be more accessible
and work may even be more fulfilling. In general, life is more satisfying and enjoyable when your heart is fully engaged.
Dr. Shawn Stoever and Greg Smalley wrote a book that is scheduled for release in June about fully engaging your heart in your marriage (The Whole-Hearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship).
They wrote the book because they both found themselves encountering people who were just going through the motions of life without ever engaging their heart.
Shawn was sharing with me that he doesn't think people necessarily make a conscious decision to disengage their heart. It can be the result of many different life circumstances. For example, when he was 9-years-old, his mother died. Shawn's dad was a wonderful father, but he did not know how to talk with his son about his feelings and emotions surrounding the death of his mother. Shawn's response was to stuff everything and kick into survival mode.
It wasn't until he met the woman of his dreams, Christina, who told him if they were going to take the relationship any further she wanted his heart, not just his intellect, that he began to think long and hard about whether he was going to engage his heart and risk being hurt again. While he knew he loved her, this was a huge step - which by the way he did end up taking.
There are a lot of things that can cause people to live life without engaging their heart. The trick is figuring out how to get your heart to open back up in a world that is designed to shut it down.
If you are living life half-heartedly or with no heart at all, here are some suggestions for re-engaging your heart:
Recognize that your heart is important, not just to keep the blood flowing, but to experience joy, laughter, hurt, enthusiasm and other emotions.
Identify those things that rob you of the opportunity to engage your heart, like the death of a parent, lies from the past, fear, friends who have said hurtful things, or compromises you have made. There are literally thousands of reasons people close down emotionally to protect themselves.
Make a conscious effort to re-engage your heart. When your heart is open you can freely give and receive love which leads to the blessing of experiencing life whole-heartedly. If you have no idea how to begin to reconnect with your heart, consider these ideas:
Watch children play or even play with them. Kids naturally live life with their hearts fully engaged.
- Intentionally choose a movie that you know will touch your heart and bring forth emotion.
- Grab a journal and keep track of your feelings for a week.
- Intentionally hang out with people who live life whole-heartedly. Their energy and passion for life is contagious.
Regardless of the path you choose to re-engage your heart, the benefits will be obvious. Relationships, particularly marriage, will have more meaning, feelings will be more accessible
and work may even be more fulfilling. In general, life is more satisfying and enjoyable when your heart is fully engaged.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Living Life Whole-heartedly
If someone were to describe the way you live life, would they say you live life whole-heartedly, half-heartedly or with no heart at all?
In case you are interested in a definition for each:
Whole-heartedly living life means you are embracing all that life has to offer with energy, passion and enthusiasm.
Half-heartedly embracing life is like hitting a ground ball to second and jogging to first base because you are going to be out anyway.
Living life with no heart is equal to showing up at your job just for the paycheck.
Where do you fall on this continuum?
In case you are interested in a definition for each:
Whole-heartedly living life means you are embracing all that life has to offer with energy, passion and enthusiasm.
Half-heartedly embracing life is like hitting a ground ball to second and jogging to first base because you are going to be out anyway.
Living life with no heart is equal to showing up at your job just for the paycheck.
Where do you fall on this continuum?
Monday, April 20, 2009
What have you done for your marriage lately?
Yesterday I arrived at this beautiful place called WinShape. It is on the campus of Berry College in Rome, Georgia. I think it's about a 3 mile drive to the back of the campus to get to the retreat. This place is amazing. Beautiful scenery (26,000 acres of it), the accommodations are luxuriously rustic and the service is EXCEPTIONAL. There are NO televisions or telephones in the rooms. It is a very peaceful place.
From September to May WinShape serves as a Marriage Retreat. You can come here and do your own self-guided retreat or you can participate in one of the many programs they offer. There are biking and hiking trails and lots of places to just sit and chill out. Did I mention that the food is amazing....as in you don't have to cook.
Are you living life in the fast lane? Do you feel like you and your spouse are like two ships passing in the night? Would a little get away be just what the doctor ordered to reconnect with your spouse? Check our WinShape! www.winshapemarriage.com
What have you done for your marriage lately?
From September to May WinShape serves as a Marriage Retreat. You can come here and do your own self-guided retreat or you can participate in one of the many programs they offer. There are biking and hiking trails and lots of places to just sit and chill out. Did I mention that the food is amazing....as in you don't have to cook.
Are you living life in the fast lane? Do you feel like you and your spouse are like two ships passing in the night? Would a little get away be just what the doctor ordered to reconnect with your spouse? Check our WinShape! www.winshapemarriage.com
What have you done for your marriage lately?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Definition of an Affair
WOW! Thanks for all the responses!!!!!
In my last post I asked the question, "What constitutes an affair?" I received a number of responses. I think this one encompasses the gist of most of them:
"If you spend time, energy, emotions, romance, and yes, even virtual sex with anyone or anything other than your spouse, it is defined as "an affair". After all, if you are spending those things on someone else, virtual or real, you are robbing from your spouse!"
Enough said!
Two good reads on this topic are, Torn Assunder by Dave Carder and Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Gardening and Marriage
This weekend I worked in the yard. Woo Hoo!!!! I pulled so many weeds even my fingernails hurt. Several of us in the neighborhood have gone together to grow a vegetable garden. We spent Sunday afternoon tilling up the garden. While we were tilling we ran across a snake. I would have taken a picture of it for you, but forgot I had my phone in my pocket. Too bad for you. He was a cute little critter.
Working in the yard is like therapy for me. I LOVE digging around in the dirt. But, I have to tell ya, last year I let one of my flower beds go because I just didn't have time to mess with it and this year I AM PAYING FOR IT! It is overgrown and clearing it out is a REAL PAIN!!!!
So why am I telling you all this? Because while I was pulling the begillion (not sure that is a word) weeds, it really made me think about how bad things can get when you don't tend to your marriage or to your kids. Weeds start growing up. If you get to them quickly they don't take over, but if you let time go by looking at all the weeds can be totally intimidating. Sometimes you walk away just because you think, "I can't possibly deal with this." Which only makes things worse in the long run.
Just like weeds and ground cover choke out the beautiful flowers, so unresolved issues and petty arguments choke out love for your spouse and children.
It's spring time. Do you have some weeding to do?
Working in the yard is like therapy for me. I LOVE digging around in the dirt. But, I have to tell ya, last year I let one of my flower beds go because I just didn't have time to mess with it and this year I AM PAYING FOR IT! It is overgrown and clearing it out is a REAL PAIN!!!!
So why am I telling you all this? Because while I was pulling the begillion (not sure that is a word) weeds, it really made me think about how bad things can get when you don't tend to your marriage or to your kids. Weeds start growing up. If you get to them quickly they don't take over, but if you let time go by looking at all the weeds can be totally intimidating. Sometimes you walk away just because you think, "I can't possibly deal with this." Which only makes things worse in the long run.
Just like weeds and ground cover choke out the beautiful flowers, so unresolved issues and petty arguments choke out love for your spouse and children.
It's spring time. Do you have some weeding to do?
Friday, March 27, 2009
What You Wish Someone Had Told You
We have been getting a lot of calls about our premarital education classes from couples planning to marry this spring. I am excited about them coming to our class, but I have to wonder about what is really motivating them. Is it the $60 discount they will receive on their marriage license or the fact that they are confident they are going to receive information that will help them in their marriage????
When we asked one guy what brought him to our premarital education class, he said, "My fiance at gun point." Clearly, he was kidding....at least we think he was. But it was what he said after that that was most striking. He went on to say, "I didn't want to come to this class because I thought it would be the biggest waste of time. Boy, was I wrong. I had no idea what I didn't know about marriage."
If I had a dime for every time I have had a newlywed say to me, "I wish someone had told me....." you fill in the blank, I would be independently wealthy.
So, what do you wish someone had told you before you walked down the aisle? If someone told you something and you didn't listen, but wish you had, that counts as well.
When we asked one guy what brought him to our premarital education class, he said, "My fiance at gun point." Clearly, he was kidding....at least we think he was. But it was what he said after that that was most striking. He went on to say, "I didn't want to come to this class because I thought it would be the biggest waste of time. Boy, was I wrong. I had no idea what I didn't know about marriage."
If I had a dime for every time I have had a newlywed say to me, "I wish someone had told me....." you fill in the blank, I would be independently wealthy.
So, what do you wish someone had told you before you walked down the aisle? If someone told you something and you didn't listen, but wish you had, that counts as well.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Marriage Reality
I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read the paper this weekend and saw that Jerry Seinfeld is returning to NBC to produce a "comic" reality series where celebrities and a referee try to help squabbling couples make peace.
Based on what I have seen in Hollywood, I would say there are very few couples I would want giving me advice on how to get my marriage back on track.
I'm sure there will be couples who will go for this, but you seriously have to wonder about the quality of the advice they will receive. It seems like a train wreck waiting to happen. I think it is crazy how the reality shows "use" hurting people for monetary gain and potentially leave them worse off than they were before the show.
Your thoughts?
Based on what I have seen in Hollywood, I would say there are very few couples I would want giving me advice on how to get my marriage back on track.
I'm sure there will be couples who will go for this, but you seriously have to wonder about the quality of the advice they will receive. It seems like a train wreck waiting to happen. I think it is crazy how the reality shows "use" hurting people for monetary gain and potentially leave them worse off than they were before the show.
Your thoughts?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
National Marriage Media Campaign
USA Today ran an article yesterday about a federally funded ad campaign to up hold the value of marriage. The reporter talked about the research that was conducted by TRU with more than 3,000 18-30-year-olds which showed that there were five distinct segments:
14% express strong sentiments against marriage
22% aren't ready, but say they eventually plan to wed
23% have a practical view of marital unions and often live together first
19% are enmeshed in the magic of love
22% have a strong belief in the institution of marriage
The research indicates that the motivation for marriage is very high.
So the rub about all of this is whether or not the government should be funding an ad campaign about the value of marriage. What the article didn't address is why the government is doing this in the first place. This is the part that I believe is critical and cannot be left out of the equation.
A significant amount of research indicates that: the collapse of marriage is the principal cause of child poverty in the United States. Approximately 80 percent of long-term child poverty in our country occurs among children from broken or never-formed families.
The lack of marriage in our society clearly has major long-term consequences. How is this type of campaign different from the click it or ticket campaign or the stop smoking campaign?
Did you read the article? What are your thoughts about this?
14% express strong sentiments against marriage
22% aren't ready, but say they eventually plan to wed
23% have a practical view of marital unions and often live together first
19% are enmeshed in the magic of love
22% have a strong belief in the institution of marriage
The research indicates that the motivation for marriage is very high.
So the rub about all of this is whether or not the government should be funding an ad campaign about the value of marriage. What the article didn't address is why the government is doing this in the first place. This is the part that I believe is critical and cannot be left out of the equation.
A significant amount of research indicates that: the collapse of marriage is the principal cause of child poverty in the United States. Approximately 80 percent of long-term child poverty in our country occurs among children from broken or never-formed families.
The lack of marriage in our society clearly has major long-term consequences. How is this type of campaign different from the click it or ticket campaign or the stop smoking campaign?
Did you read the article? What are your thoughts about this?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
National Marriage Week
National Marriage Week is February 7th - 14th. It is an opportunity to recommit to figuring out how to make your marriage work. If it is bad it can get good again and if it is good it can get better. In their book, One Good Year, Dave and Janet Congo suggest committing to live one good year of marriage with your LifeMate using these 12 commandments:
I commit on a daily basis to be an encouraging partner.
I commit to make intentional choices that enrich our marriage.
I commit to forgive and to be aware of my need for forgiveness.
I commit to practice awareness of my LifeMate on an ongoing basis.
I commit to protect the boundaries of our marriage.
I commit to connect in healthy ways on a daily basis.
I commit to making joy and laughter part of our relationship.
I commit on a daily basis to be a team player in our relationship.
I commit to making our spiritual relationship my highest priority.
I commit to making our sexual relationship satisfying, sensual, and spiritual.
I commit to establishing balance in my marriage.
I commit to leaving a significant and eternal legacy.
Consider what could happen in your marriage relationship if you commit to living by these commandments for a year.
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