Raising Children

Yesterday someone shared with me about an elementary age little girl who showed up late to school and she was crying. She wasn't crying because she was late to class. She was crying because she was hungry and she had missed breakfast at school because her bus was late. When her teacher inquired about who helped her get ready in the morning she said no one because her mother never gets out of bed before she leaves for school.

Did you know that a child born and raised outside of marriage will spend an average of 51 percent of his/her childhood living in poverty?

In contrast, a child born and raised by both parents in an intact marriage on average will spend only 7 percent of his/her childhood living in poverty. A child raised by a never married mother is more than 7 times more likely to be poor than a child raised in an intact marriage. (National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 - 2000)

Children who grow up without a father are more likely to drop out of school, become addicted to drugs, have a child out-of-wedlock or end up in prison.

There are many children, black, white and Hispanic, who are essentially raising themselves. When I think about my teenage daughter trying to raise herself - even though she thinks she could totally do it - I know the truth is she isn't ready.

My heart is heavy for our children. Sometimes tackling this issue feels overwhelming, but the reality is First Things First exists to do exactly that.

If we aren't loving and raising our children - who is????

Conversations between parents and teens

Loved, loved, loved all the comments about talking to your teens about dating and healthy relationships.

October is Let's Talk month, a month set aside nationally to encourage parents to talk with their teens about issues such as sex and healthy dating relationships.

As a parent, if you have experienced the eye rolling, exasperated looks and statements like, "I already know all that!" you may be surprised to learn that the majority of teens DO want to talk with their parents about these issues. According to a new publication by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy, teens say that parents most influence their decisions about relationships - more than friends, the media, other family members, or even their own boy or girlfriend.

If this is a conversation you are uncomfortable having with your teen, there is a great piece called Relationship Redux: Tips and Scripts for Talking to Your Kids about Relationships, published by the National Campaign that I think you will find very helpful.

Here are a few statistics you might find interesting:

One in five teens who have been in a serious relationship say they have been hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner; one in four girls say their boyfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; and one in four teen girls say they have been pressured to go further than they wanted.

One in five teens say they have electronically sent or posted online nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves.

Thirteen percent of same-age relationships among those aged 12-14 include sexual intercourse. If the partner is just two years older, that number doubles: 26 percent of the relationships include sex. If the partner is three or more years older, 33 percent of the relationships include sex.

Let's Talk

I'm just curious how many of you parents of teens have had a conversation with them about relationships and dating?

If you have had conversations like this, what do you think are the most important topics to cover?

Truth about Marriage and Family

Last night First Things First had its largest fundraiser of the year. It was amazing. Michael O'Brien played for a sold out crowd! He was AWESOME. You can hear him at www.michaelo.com.

We showed this video and people LOVED it! Soooo, I thought I would share it with you. Out of the mouths of babes comes real truth about marriage.

A Fresh Look at Marriage

Can you Say D-I-S-R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

Absolutely unbelievable were the words coming out of my mouth as I watched Serena throw a temper tantrum on the court.

I did not hear the President's speech on healthcare, but I was quite shocked when I heard a Senator yelled out in the middle of it.

Then to top it all off Kanye West jumps up on stage and takes the microphone away from Taylor Swift to tell everybody that Beyonce really had the best female video.

I have had to ask myself, "What is this world coming to?" What happened to manners and respect even when you don't agree?????

If I had done any of these things....even in my adult years, my mother would have had my head.

My husband and I have spent a lot of time and energy teaching our daughter to be respectful even when someone does not deserve it or you don't like what they are saying.

Living in a civil society means that "Anything does NOT go." There are certain things you just don't do.

I hope there were a lot of dinner table conversations with kids about these three examples of inappropriate behavior. Otherwise, we have a lot of young people who are going to assume that anything goes.......

Your thoughts?

What Does Success Look Like?

Not long ago I heard a fantastic talk given by a guy named Andy Andrews. I had never heard of him before, but he said he had written a book called The Traveler's Gift so I decided to read it.

WOW!!!!!! Once I started reading, I could not put the book down, which was scary because I was traveling on a plane to give a presentation and really needed to be focused on my talk.

When I finished, my head was swimming with all kinds of thoughts about my life and the impact I am having on others.

Do yourself a favor and take the time to read this book. I think it has the potential to be transformational.

In the book, Mr. Andrews takes David Ponder back in time to meet with historical characters to consider seven decisions that determine personal success. Responsibility, seeking wisdom, serving others, being a person of action and having a decided heart are just a few of the things Ponder is given to think about.

Whether you are single, married, a parent, boss, employee, friend, etc. this book addresses things we all should be thinking about.

Check out Andy Andrews' website

Back to School Already????

I cannot believe the summer is over. It seems like just yesterday the kids were getting out of school. So here we are at the time when I think most people believe the new year really begins.

Not long ago I had a conversation with some teachers asking them what they wished parents knew about making the school year great. I thought you might be interested in some of the things they shared with me.

Be informed - read information sent home by teachers. Don't be afraid to ask questions. If your school has a website, check it out frequently. You are the best advocate for your child.

Be responsible - stay on top of permission slips that need to be signed. Attend parent/teacher/student conferences, even when your child is in high school this is important.

Be a good role model - your child is watching your every move. Show respect for school rules - even if you don't agree with them.

Be reasonable - if you want to meet with a teacher, schedule a time to do so instead of trying to catch them in the hall between classes.

If your child is sick keep him/her home from school - enough said.

Encourage good homework habits - help your child learn how to manage his/her homework. Resist the temptation to do it for him/her.

Keep your teacher informed - talk to your child's teacher about anything that may impact your child's performance or behavior at school. If your child is dealing with grief, divorce, nervousness over an upcoming event, this is helpful and important information to share with the teacher.

Express appreciation - teachers work to inspire their students to be lifelong learners. They often spend long hours preparing and planning to make the classroom environment conducive to learning and a great experience for our children. Saying "thank you" would be a good thing!

Here's to a terrific school year!!!

More Adventures in Motherhood

Last week I attended a conference in Orlando, Florida. My daughter had planned to go with me. Since she is a new driver I thought it would be a great idea for us to drive rather than fly so she could get some good interstate driving time under her belt.

Since it would take about 8-9 hours to get to our destination, I figured we could just split the driving. We set out Sunday morning bright and early (like 6:30 am early). I drove the first leg of our journey since I am much more of a morning person than she is. When we stopped for lunch I reminded her not to eat anything too heavy since she would be taking over at the wheel.

We get back in the car and head down the interstate. I think we had been on the road about 45 minutes when she started talking about how tired she was and that I probably needed to take over. I'm thinking to myself, "Is this the same child that just a few months ago was begging me to go with her here and there just so she could drive the car????? Fortunately for her, I needed a bathroom break. When I came back from the restroom guess who was in the passenger seat smiling?????

So much for my best laid plans. I ended up driving the rest of the way, which actually turned out to be a good thing because people were driving like maniacs on the Florida Turnpike.

Nine days pass and we are heading home.....I inform my daughter that I'm not falling for the same trick on the drive home :)

We get an early start and stop around 10:30 at Chick-fil-A to take a break. As we are getting back in the car, out of habit I head for the driver's side and then I remember, wait a minute, it's her turn to drive. Before she can get in the passenger side I run around and jump in. She gets a big grin on her face and says, "Darn, I was hoping you would forget." Ha! I am on top of things this time. She ends up driving from Albany into Atlanta and does a really good job. We stop for lunch and I drive the rest of the way home.


The bonus for me was getting to spend a ton of really good time with my daughter even if I did do most of the driving. We laughed, talked about some serious stuff and just enjoyed each other's company. It is times likes these I treasure the most.

Adventures in Motherhood

A couple of weeks ago I was taking our daughter to get her wisdom teeth out. As I got into her car I smelled cigarette smoke. I think it would be fair to say that I started questioning her fairly intensely about why her car smelled like smoke. She assured me she had no idea. To which I responded, "Well I can just tell you that a car doesn't smell this intensely of smoke unless someone has been smoking in it. I believe that you haven't been smoking. Have you had someone on your car with you?????"

I should back up and tell you that our daughter has had her license for about 3 months and before we allowed her to drive her car she had to sign a contract. The contract included things like no one would be allowed to ride with her at this point without permission and there would be no alcohol or cigarettes allowed in her car.

To make a long story shorter.....

She told her Dad that her car smelled like smoke and that I was upset. He mentioned that it might be the air conditioning filter. In spite of the fact that he used to detail cars and might have some knowledge about this area, I jumped in there saying there is no way that all of the sudden the car is going to start reeking of cigarette smoke.

Yesterday Dad and daughter went to the car parts store and the guys said it was probably her cabin air filter (aka the air conditioning filter) Hummmmm. When they changed it out, the old one REEEEEKED of cigarette smoke. The guy said the previous owner of the car was clearly a smoker and this was one of the worst air filters he had seen.

When they returned home my daughter was very quick to point out that I was WRONG and needed to apologize for not believing her in the first place.

She's right and I did.

While I felt bad about the situation, I don't think it was totally a bad scene. I want her to know that we are paying attention. There are too many times teens get in tough situations with their friends and get coerced into doing something they don't really want to do. I thought this may have been one of times.

I did ask her why she didn't tell us when her car started smelling like smoke. To which she replied, "I didn't want to get in trouble." I explained that letting me just find it on my own made the situation a whole lot more suspicious than if she had come to us and told us her car was smelling funny.

Lesson learned for all involved!

Living Life to the Fullest

I am lucky enough to be married to a guy who truly loves life. Every day is an adventure with him because I never know when he is pulling my leg, playing a joke on me or actually telling me the truth. I have come to believe this is a very good thing. There are probably some people who look at my husband and think, he just needs to grow up and act like an adult. I, on the other hand, am truly thankful that he is so playful and full of life. He never misses an opportunity to spray our daughter with the hose as they are washing the car together or crack a silly joke as we are driving down the road.

When I look around and see so many stuffy adults leading what look like pretty boring lives I think How sad!

Spring break is right around the corner. I hope all of us will get out of our winter ruts and do some fun stuff with the family. When is the last time you played hide and seek or kickball?

Raising Teens

How well do you remember your teen years? What were they like? Did you ever lie to your parents? Did your parents trust you? What do you believe has had the most lasting impact on you when it comes to your parents ability to parent?

Last question......for those of you who have children, are you parenting the same way your parents raised you? Why or why not?

Fathering

Do fathers parent or babysit?